Why Consistency Feels So Hard — and What Capacity Has to Do With It

We talk a lot about consistency — as if it’s simply a matter of discipline, motivation, or wanting it enough.

But many women I work with aren’t inconsistent because they don’t care. They’re inconsistent because the way they’re trying to live, work, and look after themselves isn’t sustainable.

They know they do too much. They can see the hamster wheel now. They know the pace can’t continue like this forever — and yet the days keep filling themselves. The responsibilities don’t disappear. The bills still need paying. The people still need them.

So they keep going — not because it feels right, but because stopping feels risky.

Maybe you’ve had the thought:
I don’t want to keep living like this… but I don’t know how to change it without everything wobbling.

You might even know what would help — more rest, fewer commitments, clearer boundaries, a gentler relationship with your body. But knowing doesn’t automatically translate into sustainable change.

Instead, you’re left stuck between insight and action: aware that something needs to shift, but unsure how to do it in a way you can actually maintain.

Over time, even helpful wellbeing advice starts to feel like noise. Another routine to keep up with. Another reminder of what you’re not managing to do consistently. Sometimes it feels easier to crawl back into bed than face the question:

How do I make change that actually lasts?

When “knowing what to do” becomes part of the problem

Many of the women I work with are deeply self-aware. They’ve read the books, listened to the podcasts, followed the accounts, tried the routines. They don’t lack information — they’re drowning in it.

What they lack is clarity about what actually fits now, in the body they’re living in and the life they’re carrying.

At some point, even self-care starts to feel like pressure — especially when it’s framed as something you need to do consistently. Exercise becomes another box to tick. Meditation becomes another thing you’re failing to keep up with. “Good habits” quietly turn into another standard you’re not meeting.

And beneath it all, a familiar question forms:
Why can’t I just do the things I know would help?

That question often turns inward — into self-blame, into shame, into the belief that something is wrong with you.

But what if that question is pointing in the wrong direction?

What if consistency isn’t the problem?

What if the problem isn’t motivation, willpower, or commitment?

What if what looks like inconsistency is actually a system being asked to give more than it can sustain?

Most wellbeing advice assumes a steady baseline. It assumes spare capacity, consistent energy, and a nervous system that’s ready to implement change on demand. But when you’re already stretched, overwhelmed, or running on adrenaline, those assumptions quietly fall apart.

Your body isn’t broken. It’s responding intelligently to load.

And this is where a different question becomes far more useful than What should I do?

Introducing Capacity Check-In (not another thing to do)

Capacity Check-In isn’t a routine, a habit, or something to add to your day. It’s a pause — a way of orienting before you push, commit, or try to be more consistent.

At its heart, it asks a very simple question:

What do I actually have the capacity for today — without breaking myself?

Not what you should be able to do.
Not what you managed last week.
Just what’s genuinely available to you right now.

When you start here, the ground shifts. Instead of forcing consistency through exhaustion, you begin by meeting yourself where you are — and choosing from there.

Why skipping capacity keeps us stuck

When capacity isn’t considered, change often follows a familiar loop. You push when you’re already depleted. You overreach on the days you feel a little better. You crash, retreat, and then promise yourself you’ll “do it properly” next time.

Over time, this erodes trust. You stop believing your own intentions. You hesitate to make changes because you’re tired of failing at them. The hamster wheel keeps spinning — not because you can’t see it, but because every exit feels unsafe.

This isn’t a lack of commitment.
It’s a lack of sustainability.

Capacity Check-In doesn’t tell you what to change. It helps you understand what kind of change is even possible right now.

What I mean by “capacity”

When I talk about capacity, I don’t mean productivity or resilience. I mean how resourced your body and nervous system feel in this moment — and what that makes realistically possible.

A simple way to sense this is to notice where you’re landing today.

When you’re under the water, even simple tasks feel heavy. There’s a sense of dragging yourself through the day, with fatigue close to the surface. Numbing out — with food, scrolling, or Netflix — can feel like the only way to cope, not because you don’t care, but because you’re depleted.

When you’re treading water, you’re getting through things, but it’s constant juggling. The mind is busy, the energy is fast, and life can feel like a hamster wheel you can’t quite step off. You’re tired but wired by the end of the day, and although you might get moments to yourself, they’re easily swallowed by the to-do list.

When you’re head above water — and swimming at times, there’s more space. You have access to both energy and rest. You can enjoy things again, feel inspired, and have creative thoughts. Stress still shows up, but it moves through rather than taking over.

Most of us move between these states. The point isn’t to get somewhere and stay there — it’s to notice where you are before you ask more of yourself.

A small way to use this (without turning it into another task)

Before making a decision — about your day, your evening, or the week ahead — pause for a moment and ask yourself:

Given where I am right now, what’s the smallest version of support that would actually help?

Not the ideal version.
Not the version you think you should manage.
Just the one your system could genuinely say yes to.

You don’t need to fix anything from this place. Even choosing one small thing that matches your current capacity can soften the pressure — and that softening is often where sustainable change begins.

A lens, not the whole path

Capacity Check-In is a way of orienting — a lens that helps you see where you are and what’s realistically available to you right now.

But noticing capacity on its own doesn’t always show you how to move forward.

For that, I use a simple methodology called Reflect, Accept, Redirect.

It offers a path that works with your capacity, not against it — whether you’re feeling underwater, just getting through, or beginning to find more space again. Sometimes the next step is reflection. Sometimes it’s acceptance. Sometimes it’s a gentle redirection. The order isn’t fixed, and the pace always adapts to what your system can support.

Capacity Check-In helps you choose which door to walk through.
Reflect, Accept, Redirect helps you take the next few steps once you’re there.

A gentle closing (and an invitation)

Capacity Check-In isn’t a fix you apply once and move on from. It’s a lens you return to — especially when you feel stuck between knowing something needs to change and not knowing how to change it without burning out.

If this way of working resonates, you don’t have to figure it out alone. This is exactly the kind of work I support women with in my 1-1 sessions — gently untangling what’s draining your energy, rebuilding trust with your body, and finding changes that your nervous system can actually walk with.

If you’re curious, you can explore working with me one-to-one here: work with me

No pressure — just an invitation to be supported as you find your way off the wheel, at a pace that truly fits.

Alice x